This is my first time writing a post as I am generally a secretive person and I do not like to share how I feel or even let others know what is going on with me, but at this point in my life, I am frustrated and just need clarity.
I have been dating this guy for approximately 4 years now, and our relationship has changed drastically. It has gotten to the point where I question myself as to why am I still in this relationship. I know for a fact that I love him, and I do know that the reason that our relationship is not the same is because of situations that have happened to me while we were together as well as him. In my eyes, we are both at fault, however, I’ve never made past situations no matter how great or small stop me from trying to love him and make the relationship work.
Now, I have never cheated on him, in no aspect. However, sometimes, it crossed my mind if he has cheated and is just afraid to admit to it. Recently, I have become more Anti-social, so I do not have many friends, and I do not go out of my house, unless its for work, groceries or a little drive/date night with my partner. Recently, he mentioned that his “cousin” got pregnant and he went out of his way to meet her and pick her up and all sorts of things.
The reason why I was uncomfortable about the situation is because he has never mentioned her to me in the entire time span we have been dating. He claimed that she has popped up on Fridays to play domino with him and a few other persons but I have never seen her at any game, or event that he claims she has been to. The reason why I have also been feeling a little insecure is primarily because one night he picked me up and he told his friend he was gonna “check a meat” and he looked at me and said, “he gonna check one of his girls”.
MUB, at that time I was confused. He was moving funny, so I hopped the of the vehicle to just go and see who the “meat” was. MUB, he blocked the entire doorway with his body so I couldn’t even get to see inside the house, and bear in mind that he is tall and I am short. I was a little uneasy, but I told myself he has to be messing with me cause he knows I don’t tolerate disrespect.
What got me MUB, regardless if she is his biological cousin or not, its the principle of the matter that really hurt me and just had me moving differently. The other day, she came by him while his other guy friends where there and she slept on his bed. When I came through the door I said good night but she never responded so I just continued to walk to my bf bedroom. As soon as i reach in his bedroom her pursue was on his bed. After I laid on the bed, she called out to him (after using the bathroom) and said his name and said give me my pursue, please.
I knew she slept there because I asked his brother if she was in his room and he told me yes and that she was sleeping in here as well. Bare in mind MUB, he has two rooms and both rooms have their own bed. I said to myself, did she really have to sleep in his bed? But I just ignored it and didn’t make light of it. After 5 minutes of being in the house, he told me she wants something to eat.
So, II found it weird. A house full of man, all with their own transportation but you wait till my boyfriend comes home with me to ask him to drop you for food! I am not gonna lie I was upset at it because we haven’t spent the entire week together and Saturdays are usually my days because he uses the other weekend days to spend time with his friends.
MUB, after they left, about an hour and a half later, he calls me on the phone bex bex saying how I didn’t say goodnight to her, and why didn’t I do that, and he went on and on, saying I’m always doing that shit. So i said to myself, you told me you not gonna introduce me to your “cousin,” you said you not obligated to, but you want me to go out my way to tell her goodnight? Are you serious? I told him, i did tell her goodnight and she didn’t respond and right after that he said oh ok well bye and hung up.
MUB when he came back home, she wasn’t there, so I believed she also told him to drop her home because I came, but I try to ignore my assumptions and just played some game. MUB, ever since then, my emotional side shut down. I don’t know how to feel, i can’t look at him the same. It’s not the first time he’s doing something suspicious that makes me feel like he’s doing something.
It also hurt more because when he came back home, he didn’t even try to spend time with me, all he did was grab my phone, and harass me for a kiss n i did not give and he just got up n went back in the other room with the guys n stayed there until after 10 when I was ready to go home. MUB he didn’t even talk to me on the ride home. After that, he messaged me and say he going on a move and I just said ok safe drive.
As much as i trust him i just never fully feel comfortable or feeling like i know the whole truth because he never tells me everything and if he does he always changes his mouth and say, I never said that, you misinterpret what i said, or he’d say oh, you hear what you want to hear.
MUB, I just want to know if i am crazy for acting uninterested in the relationship because of how he has been going on. He talks to me roughly like I’m a homeboy and all i do is love him and support him, but I feel like he’s not trying at all. I feel like i am the only one that’s truly trying to change for the better to make this relationship work and it’s weighing on me emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I just need some advice.