Broken-Hearted Wife

Dear MUB,

Very often I read comments from your followers and when there is infidelity especially from a man, they tend to conclude that the woman is not doing what she is supposed to. Too often they make excuses for men when it is sometimes a case of a man that is just greedy and wants to tag every woman he meets.

My story has no hot drama that your followers tend to like but I just need to talk from a position of anonymity because people love to judge. I am a wife and I discovered that even before being married for one year, my husband cheated on me.

I was furious and that discovery was the most painful experience that I have ever had to this day. I felt hurt and betrayed that after taking me to a church, repeating vows and making a promise to me, he would do something like that.

Time passed and we tried to work things out but I suspect that all he was doing was just covering his tracks better. He swears that he is not cheating but after breaking someone’s trust, it is very hard to trust again. I feel so confused and hurt because I am honestly suffering. I am also afraid of the shame and the talking that will follow when I leave because I am so close to walking out the door.

I just want your followers to know that when people share their stories of betrayal, it is real and painful. It is hard that as a wife/woman you do everything and it seems like you are committed to a man that appears to have a curse for digging out every hole out there. I am still in shock and no to those who may be speculating, this was no rushed marriage. It is just a plain devastating experience of how a player plays the game very well and hurt innocent people in the process.

If I was told that my husband would cheat on me in such a short time, I would have just scoffed at the idea. MUB, for years I was lied to, played and betrayed without any remorse. I am at the point where my husband is no longer appealing for sex because I believe that I am sharing the tool that is only supposed to be mine.

My marriage has been painful and I am trying to gather the strength to walk out. I have come to the conclusion that my husband chose me because I am God-fearing and he knows that it would be highly unlikely for me to cheat because my fear of God and going against God’s will means more to me than my husband. That is part of the reason why I am still here and have not made that firm step to get a divorce.

God created marriage as something good and holy but people today have no respect for the institution of marriage. It is hard for some of us women who have been cheated on. While growing up were never taught to set standards about what not to accept from a man. We are taught about the perfect marriage and life but not about how to manage the emotional side of pain and heartache. I am extremely hurt because I’ve concluded that I’ve settled for less than I deserved and I found out too late.

Both men and women out there need to stop playing with people’s hearts. It is a painful and dangerous game and I’ll admit it was the closest that I have ever gotten to feeling what it is like to go crazy. After all the pain, sadly yes I still love my husband but I do not trust him.

I am just working on building the courage to walk out and not look back because my heart can’t take any more pain and shame being in this marriage. I am weak, tired and broken. I pray and pray all the time for God to guide me because he is the only one I can trust right now.