Relationship In Jeopardy Because I Got Head

Dear MUB,

I have been dating this guy for the past year and month end will make us 2 years to be precise. I have known him since we were in school but back then I was never interested in him because he nar min hab no manners.

A little after I finished school, he started to text me on messenger and we eventually go close. The more we communicate was the more I realized a difference in his attitude compared to back when we were in school ( I couldn’t stand him. He would often trouble me but I never gave him my attention)

We got close to the point where I would visit him at his house which he shared with his elder siblings. I enjoyed vibing with him, especially since I was going through a lot. I have been jobless, homeless and without food when I used to see a guy who was working a very good job. I often pleaded with him to assist me with getting a job in one of his family companies. All I asked him to do was put in a good word on my behalf and I would do the necessary procedure and present my credentials. He didn’t wanted to help me. It was always a bunch of excuse but he always wanted me to give him my body. I was not about to let anyone use me so that’s how I had started talking to the guy from back in school, who is now my present boyfriend.

A few months after we got into a relationship, I went to stay with him and his siblings to escape my dysfunctional household. Two months later, I found out I was pregnant and by the time I was five months pregnant he travelled to try and make life better for our child. Since he traveled, he has never returned due to problems with immigration ( he has a green card but took too long to travel on it so they ceased it).

The baby is now nine months and she still doesn’t know who her father is. It’s been over a year since I last had sex. I have been keeping to myself because too many diseases are out there and I don’t wanna fall victim to any so I decided to abstain. Since he has been away, our relationship becme one late night argument after another. From ever since we started dating, he has never trusted me and I can’t seem to understand why because I’ve never given him any reasons not to. He always wanna know who I’m talking to or where I’m going and the funny thing is, I trust him.

Sometime ago we were talking and I told him for the first time since he left that I’ve been feeling horny and during another discussion, he agreed that I can get head from someone but no sex. However, I told him never mind that because I was trying to find myself spiritually so I’m not interested in anything that was sexually oriented.

The other day this friend of mine came to visit me. Both my aunts were home at the time but they respected my privacy and went into their rooms. We sat down and watched a Holloween movies which eventually lead to the person giving me  head and NOTHING more. I would usually discuss everything with one of my aunt but I didn’t discuss that incident because I was embarrassed. Also considering the fact that I was trying to get closer to God and my spiritual self.

Later that day, when I was talking to my boyfriend, I eventually told him what had happened from the evening before. To my surprise he started to curse, really bad too. He said I don’t have any principles because I should had told him before I allowed the person to go down on me. I really didn’t understand why he was upset because he claims to be too gangster to be eating coochie so I’ve never once forced him to. I never knew how to  give head but I learned like a pro, just so I could pleasure him because he loves getting heads and would complain about wanting it.

I’m not disputing the fact that I was wrong but I was angry about all the things he cursed me about. He even told me that he never wanted me in the beginning, he just wanted some sex and a whole lot more hurtful things. He asked me to send the screenshot of the messages so I did to prove it was nothing more. I had even messaged the guy the same night he left to tell him that I don’t want something like that to repeat itself.

He wanted the guy’s number but I didn’t give him so he got even more upset. He even went as far as cussing about me not loving him and a whole lotta shit. MUB, I left my family to live and suffer with him. My family was dysfunctional but I was well fed. I left to be his companion through his rough days. I’ve had many hungry days with him before I got a job and whenever I had money, I made certain that he was well fed but instead of remembering all that, respecting me and showering me with love, he just argued with me straight and talked to me any ole how.

He showered me with many insults and disrespect. He would go away by his friends often, leaving me at home alone and he would come in all hours of the night. Not even during my pregnancy did I receive his undivided attention and love. I was staying with my mom and I had to be begging him to come and visit me, that time, pregnancy sicknesses were killing me.

I’ve always had low self-esteem and being around him made it worse. There was always something to complain about. He is hot with the perfect long nice hair, lovely skin color and amazing smile so I guess I didn’t match him at all. He often made fun of my hair being nappy, my tummy pouch and not having any ass.

If I did my nails, he complained. If I did my hair, he would complain. MUB, I’m really sorry for allowing the guy to give me head without first seeking his permission and I expressed my sincere apologies to him but right now he’s getting on my nerves. He said he has forgiven me but still asking me for screenshots of my chat and messages.

When he was here in Antigua, he had access to my phone but I had none to his and I never asked. I didn’t even know how his phone rang because it was always on vibrate. I need advice on this.